IbenholtED

When I was a child, I wanted to be a clothing designer or a doctor.

Then I learned that they both required good math skills and gave up.

Then I wanted to become a model, so I could still be involved with fashion.

But I was chubby and the weight just kept piling on, so I gave that up.

Later, I wanted to become an actress.

But while I believe I do have some skill, I’m not classically attractive, and even beauty and skill combined isn’t a guarantee for a lasting career.

Finally, when the time came to get an education, I decided on librarian. It seemed reasonable, right? A nice and safe guaranteed job. How many people wanna be librarians, after all?

For three years, I worked a thankless temp-job where my contract was renewed every month, but with the promise that this might be the last time.

Because of they uncertainty, I was stuck living with my parents.

I kept applying for jobs at other libraries, in retail, in kindergartens, and so on. No bite.

Countless interviews and not one offer.

Finally, they let me go at the temp-job because keeping me there for any longer would have meant that they would have had to hire me permanently.

 

It’s quite infuriating. I did everything I was supposed to do, after all. Didn’t aim too high. Or so I thought, anyways.

I didn’t ask to be the next Meryl Streep or Edith Head or Naomi Campbell.

I just wanted to be a librarian.

But the position has changed to drastically since I started studying it back in 2013. It’s not about recommendations and helping out anymore.

It hurts me, but don’t think I want to or even can be a librarian anymore.

But I am at a loss at to what else exactly I can or want to be.

I always thought that at the age of 24, I would have a home, a car, a job, an SO and would be planning on starting a family.

Right now I’m 26, living in a house with 5 strangers, no driver’s license, attending a college course I barely care about, freshly dumped and with no desire to ever have kids.

 

 

It’s shitty, but you can take the safe, straight and narrow road and still wind up at a dead end. I know I did.

So should you throw caution to the wind and go to that college course that doesn’t promise anything but uncertainty?

I dunno.

I just need you to know that what may seem like the safest option might not be as safe as you thought, so taking a chance might not be the worst idea.

Tagged by: mustakettu85

♥ Rules: Tag 8+ people you'd like to get to know better using this meme!

☆ Name: It's norwegian and means War Goddess. 

☆ Star sign: Gemini. People like two things about me... my face. 

☆ Average hours of sleep: as many as possible. 

☆ Lucky number: 5

☆ Last thing googled: g'kar

☆ Favorite fictional character(s): G'Kar, Londo Mollari, Rose Quartz, Garnet, Steven Universe, Leonardo, Nightcrawler, Wolverine, Morticia Addams, Gomez Addams, Lydia Deetz, Lumpy Space Princess, Leetah, Redlance and so on and so on

☆ Current attire: Black top, purple pyjama pants

☆ When did you start this account?: September 23, 2009

☆ Number of watchers: 111, but it looks like a good chunk of them are gone. 

☆ What do you post?: porn

☆ Other blogs: No. 

☆ Do you get a lot of comments: AHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Well, I used to. But time passes, and you fall in love with a cult sci-fi show from the 90s, and you leave the glamour and popularity that comes with writing filth about two beloved characters in an increasingly well-known fandom to write about obscure shit that will get you 11 views. 
And you feel trapped because you can't go back without any real interest and fire in you, and the fandom is burning out, because everyone found other stuff to obsess over, and these days, a new pic might show up every other week, but then it's over.

And you're worried about where you are, because you can clearly see that your own fandom is drying up after one asshole decided that their hurt feelings out-weighed common decency, and the only thing keeping the blood pumping are a few talented and dedicated artists, and you're so scared that they will end up on the Marvel wave, too, and you'll be there with no one to talk to about the zillion ideas you have for fics that you might not even write.

You lost friends when the fandom craze was over, and you wonder how in the hell you have dared make friends again when you know the inevitable is coming. But you're not ready to move on yet, because you have no footing anywhere else, and you dread starting over, because good lord. 

So you're churning out fics on a site clearly meant for pictures, and try not to stop and think about what you're actually doing. 

☆ Why did you choose this username?: The ED stands for Eternal Dream, which was the name of a band that never got started. Ibenholt is because I think it's a pretty word. 

☆ Tagging: no one ever responds when I tag them, so if you see this and want to try it, have fun. 

Merry Christmas, you lovely people!!

Tagged by

The rules:
★. You must post these rules.
★. Each person must post 10 things about themselves on their journal.
★. Answer the questions the tagger set for you, and create ten (10) new questions for the people you tag to answer.
★. You have to choose 10 people to tag and post their icons on your journal.
★. Go to their pages and tell them you have tagged her/him.
★. No tag backs.
★. No nonsense in the tagging section about "you are tagged if you're reading this."
★. You have to tag 10 people.


1. I love tea
2. And cats
3. I own way too much nail polish
4. I have one nail polish called 'black galaxy'
5. I'm very tired these days
6. I'm always torn between wanting extremely long hair, or extremely short hair
7. My bookshelf is about to explode
8. I'm very happy that the Nostalgia Critic is returning
9. I love rain and snow, as long as I am inside
10. I won't tag anyone, but if you feel like answering the questions, please go ahead


1. If your celeb crush tried to rape you...would you let him/her?

FUCK. NO.

2. Would you rather eat out every girl on the planet or you mom? (I warned you)

Eh, duh? Every girl.

3. Do you prefer digital or traditional art?

Depends entirely on my mood.

4. Favourite movie genre?

Sci-fi, at the moment, anyway.

5. Biggest turn on('s)?

Boobs, lingerie

6. Biggest turn off('s)?

Please. I'm a teenager. I don't have turn offs yet.

7. Favourite artist, here on dA?

Nope.

8. How are you today?

Shitty, thank you.

9. First celeb crush?

Trina McGee

10. You're beautiful, do you know that?

Nope.


1. Do you take vitamins?
2. What's your favorite show this week?
3. Are you happy with your computer?
4. Would you want to be a telepath?
5. Do you like cotton candy?
6. Coffee or tea?
7. Why on Earth are you still watching me?
8. Hamburgers or tacos?
9. How many t-shirts do you own?
10. Do you have a favorite flower?

I'll be gone until monday. So don't panic!